and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize