I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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