not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
