I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
