Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
