So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't want my vagina anymore.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
