ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
