I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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