my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
