By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize