Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
