Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
