I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
