Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We left the knife in your bed.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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