he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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