Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
