lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
