I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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