I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
