I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
