According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
