Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
