I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Ketchup is God's man juice
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
