I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
