I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
