Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
