i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
