The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
