About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize