I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize