Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
