There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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