You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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