If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
