I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
