his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Let's get the cat blown out
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
