So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
