Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
