I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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