I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Drake has all the answers
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
