How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
