There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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