...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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