thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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