This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
