He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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