Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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