from now on my penis is your penis
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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