Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
