In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize