Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
