Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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