I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
