i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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