I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
