i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
