either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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