I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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