just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
