Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
