So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize