The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize