we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
