She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We have so much sex to catch up on
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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