you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
