So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize