You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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