i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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