Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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