Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
