ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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