Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
