the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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