You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
