I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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