Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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