people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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