i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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