I want to have your abortion
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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