I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
