Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
All I want is dick and wine.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
