I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
