what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
