Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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