Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
