I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
