the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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