I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize