With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
