soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
