I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
