I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
