just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
